One ticket for Precious, please - Day 7 of 35 days to 35

Now I realize that what I did today is not a big deal to most people, so let me explain. My reality is that I am part of a set. This is not codependency speaking, it is just a fact. I have been a part of a set since shortly after conception. Charlene and I argue over who is the original and who is the clone that split off from the original egg, but whatever, that's not really relevant. Point is nearly EVERTHING I did in life until the age of 18 (and many things there after) have been with Charlene. There are very few experiences that I have had that she is not a part of. My parents never really let one of us go anywhere without the other, and by the time we were able to decide for ourselves, I think we were so used to it, we really didn't consider doing things without the other. I remember one of the first times I went shopping alone after Charlene and I were living apart for the first time. I am in the store browsing through the racks when something cute catches my eye. I pick it up and instinctively turn to show it to Charlene, like I had done a million times before. But yeah, she wasn't there. So there I am holding a shirt out to an invisible shopping companion saying "Hey, isn't this cute?" The sales girl who had been hovering in hopes of a good commission looked at me like I had lost my damn mind and walked away pretty quickly. I guess no commission is big enough to deal with a crazy person. So see, I am just used to doing things with someone...I function best as part of a pair. Can you blame me?

Given all of this, you can see how going to a movie alone was a REALLY BIG DEAL to me, so it had to make the list.

So I went to see the movie "Precious" this afternoon. This film is based on a book I read a few years ago called "Push" by Sapphire. It is disturbing, to say the least. I remember it being really hard to read, but I had forgotten some of the details. It is basically a story of survival. The main character is abused and comes from circumstances that most people would not believe exist. Every time you think nothing bad can happen to her again, it does. But it is a story of perseverance, which is always a story I want to see. This movie was only playing in two theaters in town, so I took this opportunity to go to an artsy theater called The Esquire that I have always wanted to visit. Once my ticket is purchased and I have the requisite popcorn and soda (not because I wanted them at all, but because I needed something to do with my hands), I walk into what has to be the smallest public theater in the world. Seriously, I bet some NBA players have bigger theaters in their houses. There were 45 seats in the whole place and over half of them were already taken when I got there. So I sat in the first available seat in front of me (I'll explain my seat-choosing issue later), with two seats between me and the other woman in the row. There are about 10 minutes until showtime, and as the minutes tick by, I get more and more antsy. I am supposed to be talking to someone right now, fighting over popcorn and deciding what to do after the movie. But no, I am just sitting there wondering if everyone is looking at me and thinking, "Wow, poor thing, she must have no friends. She has to go to the movies all by herself." I sit there trying to look cool, eating my popcorn and fighting the urge to turn around and join the conversation between the two women in the row behind me about the book this movie is based on. I have to keep reminding myself that A) it's rude to listen to other people's conversations; and B) they are so not interested in your thoughts on this book because THEY DON'T KNOW YOU! So I shove more popcorn in my mouth and silently pray for the lights to hurry up and go down so this damn movie will start. Then a cute college-aged couple comes in and asked if the two seats next to me are taken. Obviously they're not because I'm ALONE (okay, so maybe I'm not really alright with this whole solo thing), so they sit take their seats. They look around and comment (to each other, not to me) how full the theater is and how small it is. At this point I am starving for conversation since it has been all of 5 minutes that I have been sitting there, so I eagerly jump in and say "Yeah, can you believe it? This is the smallest theater ever!" They smile politely then lower their voices in that way that says, "okay freak, we weren't talking to you!" So I go back to the popcorn. The minutes continue to drag and the movie has still not started and I am feeling like I could jump out of my skin. I literally bite my tongue to keep from offering the couple next to me some popcorn. Luckily I realize that would probably come off as creepy and weird and it begins to dawn on me that I really DO have a hard time doing things by myself!

The movie finally starts, and it is more intense than I thought it would be. I am not sure a movie like this was such a great choice for my first outing because as the credits begin to roll, all I want to do is talk about the movie. This time, though, I don't make an ass of myself and start talking to my invisible friend. I am the first one to get up and leave the theater, and as I am walking through the crowded lobby out to my car, I wonder if I am just paranoid or if the people in the lobby really were staring at the poor friendless girl who had to go to the movies alone.

And after all that....I think I will do it again.....maybe.