Cooking for Dummies - DAY 20 of 35 days to 35

Admittedly, I am a very, very picky eater. That's why I learned to cook the (few) things that I really liked to eat. My aversion to vegetables and well a lot of other things, made it easy to learn to cook, after all, I only had to master like five things. But the things I do make are pretty damn good. So I consider myself a fairly good cook. And I do really enjoy cooking, especially cooking for other people. I get a very satisfied feeling from cooking something well, it makes eating it that much more enjoyable. I also love the look on people's faces when you have made something that they absolutely love. And I really love to eat, so I know there is nothing better than a really fabulous meal. Because I know my menu is limited, I have tried to venture out and learn new things. It NEVER works. I think of myself as a smart person but when I am reading recopies it is like my IQ is cut in half. I am not sure if I am intimidated by the unknown or if I am just recipe stupid, but they never, and I mean never turn out the way they are supposed to. For starters, they don't look anything like the pictures in the cookbook. Now I know those are made by professionals, but shouldn't mine at least look like it contains the same ingredients?! And I am fairly certain that whatever I have made is not supposed to taste like soap or dog food or any other inedible things that my failed recipes resembled. So I have pretty much given up trying to learn to cook new things and resigned myself to a life of baked chicken, mac and cheese and the occasional fish dish. That is until I decided to include cooking classes on my journey to 35.

Signing up for a cooking class sounds like it should be an easy enough task. Just get on my bff Google and find a cooking class in the Cincinnati area. Easy enough. Well....not really. Turns out you actually have to plan ahead if you want to get into a cooking class. I knew I wanted to do a hands on class as opposed to a demonstration class (if I wanted to watch someone cook I'd just stay home and watch the Food Network!) but these classes fill up very quickly. There is pretty much only one place in Cincinnati that offers hands on classes and they were all full through the end of February. See what procrastination gets you!! I was determined to include this in my project so I would just have to cast my net a bit wider and see if I could reel in a cooking class from somewhere. I searched Dayton. No dice. Columbus. Uh uh. I finally had some luck in Louisville. There was one place that offered hands on classes and they had one class open between now and February 7th so I got on the phone immediately to schedule it. It wasn't until the middle of the conversation that I realized this cooking class was called "Date Night"....meaning that everyone else would be attending the class as part of a couple. The woman on the phone said I could attend by myself but she hadn't ever had anyone do that. So I paid for two classes with the intention of dragging one of my unsuspecting friends with me to harness our inner Iron Chef.

Colleen agreed to go with me (I think she felt sorry for me after I painted a very bleak picture of me being in a class of couples all alone. Hehehe), so we set out on our way to Louisville to make some magic in the kitchen. We arrive early and stake our claim to one of the tables closest to the chef. He is busy preparing something in the front of the kitchen/classroom. Our station is complete with a gas burner and little containers with numbers on them which I am guessing corresponds with each course of our meal. The owner of the places hands out the menu and I am anxious to see what meal I will be mangling this evening. The first course is a Warm Spicy Tomato Soup with Shrimp. Yummy yummy. Then we move on to Honey Poached Duck Breast with Port Wine Sauce. Hmm. First thought: that sounds just complicated enough for me to really screw up. Second thought: I am not so sure how I feel about duck. We end with a Fresh Fruit Napoleon for desert. I am fairly sure that like 95% of normal deserts, this will somehow include chocolate that I will have to pick around (I'm allergic to chocolate but not sad about it because I don't like it anyway). But I am all about the fresh fruit so I am sure I will enjoy dessert too.

The menu packet says our instructor is Chef Michael Cunha who teaches at a local culinary school. He looks very serious and is flying around the kitchen like a hyper puppy. He seems to be in his own world as more couples join us in the kitchen. As the couples start to trickle in, the owner brings around wine which I very happily take. I am unsure of my culinary skills and it becomes clear that if I miss up (which I will), the four other couples at the tables next to ours will have a clear view of the damage. More wine please.

Everyone is kind of standing around nervously smiling until a cute young couple join us and immediately introduce themselves. We start chatting and I am pumped because we are SO gonna be the fun side of the room! Now I won't feel like such a dork when I burn/spill/catch something on fire...after all, we've bonded now!


The class gets underway and Chef Cunha tells us that we are going to start with the dessert. I knew I liked him! I look at the menu and about halfway down the ingredients list a word jumps out at me and I almost spit out my wine. "One ounce slurry". What the hell is slurry and why do I think it is so damn funny. I just like saying the word. Slurry. Hearing him say it makes me laugh harder. I am not sure if the wine is making it funny or if it really is a funny word, but is has made my night. If I learn nothing else, I will have cooked with slurry (which is just cornstarch and water, by the way. Why not just call it that then?).


We make it thru the slurry-containing desert and move on to the tomato soup. This actually seems like something that I might be able to handle making. I am sure it was easier since Chef Cunha had already chopped up all of the vegetables for us, but still, I was making soup from scratch which is pretty damn impressive in my book. . The best part about cooking class (given that you are not a horrendous cook) is that you get to eat what you make, and the tomato soup was to die for. I felt badly because Colleen doesn't eat seafood so I was forced to eat her portion of the soup. I am not sure how I will deal with the guilt....

Next comes the hard part, cooking the duck. I had never seen duck before let alone cooked it so this would be a whole new experience. Not only did we have to prepare the duck but we had to make a port wine sauce as well. The sauce consisted of cherries, port wine, and a bunch of other stuff including duck confit. Confit. Yet another funny little cooking word. I have to try to fit that into everyday conversation. We add all of the ingredients for the sauce in the pan as Chef Cunha is coming around to check our progress. He tells me that I should swirl the sauce in the pan and takes it from me to demonstrate. All I can think is that he has a rather violent swirl. I take the pan back and try to mimic his swirl but sauce threatens to come flying out of the pan. So my sauce will have to survive being daintily swirled. I am hoping that does not threaten the integrity of the sauce. Then it is time to poach the duck. Colleen and I take turns cooking and are feeling quite proud that we have done such a great job so far. Nothing has been spilled or burned or anything. Ooops, spoke too soon.


I turn over our duck breast which we are supposed to be searing and it is black. Damn. That wasn't supposed to happen. I look around the room and other people mildly over cooked theirs but ours is definitely the winner. Thank God for wine or I'd be all uptight that it was perfect. Instead, I decide that the extra searing gives our duck swagger. Yeah, we'll go with that.


Throughout the night, Chef Cunha encourages us to season all of the food with as much salt and pepper as we want. It is then that I am introduced to the coolest cooking accessory EVER: the automatic pepper mill. This thing is awesome. You push a button right at the top and pepper comes shooting out of the bottom. I think a fight may break out among the tables to decide who gets to use it first. Even though I don't cook much, I will have to seriously consider buying one of these puppies.


Once we are finished poaching the duck, we get a little break while the chef finishes the duck in the oven. We are encouraged to browse around the store connected to the classroom and look for any cooking items we just have to have. We are even given a 10% discount. I make a beeline for the automatic pepper mill and find that it sells for fifty bucks. Hmm....I like it, but I haven't had THAT much wine. Looks like the automatic pepper mill will live only in my cooking fantasies.


After the break, we go back to enjoy our masterpieces. Chef Cunha slices the duck and it is serves with a side of squash plus a wonderfully cheese grit casserole. Colleen and I exchange glances and I notice that we both start eating the sides. I don't say it, but I am waiting for her to taste the duck first.


"It's good." She says.


I look at her face for any sign that she is just trying to be nice but I think she really means it, so I take a bite. It is good. Much different than anything I have ever had but I like it. We add some of the port wine sauce that I swirled so delicately and that made it even better. I am very proud of us!! We made one hell of a meal...the duck tasted great, swagger and all.

After we polished off the duck, it was time for dessert. Our fruit mixture from earlier was to be layered on puff pastries that had been drizzled with chocolate and homemade whipped cream. I couldn't eat the pastry part but I was all ready to tear into the fruit and whipped cream. Colleen and I dig in before I remember that I wanted to take a picture of the beautiful concoction. Luckily, Jaime and her husband, who were at a nearby table, were not the vultures we were, and had not devoured theirs yet. They were kind enough to let us take a picture of theirs.

We left the class with all of the recipes and a sense of accomplishment that I wasn't sure I would earn. The class was so fun, we met some great people and made some amazing food. I might actually try to make some of what we learned tonight....okay maybe just the soup and the dessert, minus the chocolate. But hey, I can say I made duck now, which is pretty cool.