I can't REALLY be 35, can I??: Cast on, Cast off

This 35 day project has been amazing....and filled with amazing challenges. I came up with a bunch of things I would love to do, but I learned that just because I wanted them to be part of my project did NOT mean that was going to happen. Take skydiving for instance: This is something fun and insane that I have always wanted to do so it was literally the first thing I wrote on my list. I thought it would be easy enough; let Google lead me to a local skydiving company, call and set up and appointment then let 'er rip. There were several problems with this plan. First, this project is going on during the coldest month of the year. This would not be a problem but I live in OHIO! It's cold here. And snowy. And not really conducive to jumping out of an airplane. Still, I was determined to find someone somewhere within driving distance that would be willing to toss me out of a plane. I called places in Columbus, Dayton, Louisville, Lexington, Indianapolis...well you get the picture. They all said the same thing: call back at the end of February, which is clearly not going to work for me. The closest place I found willing to do it was over five hours away in Tennessee. I guess some would say that I didn't want to skydive THAT bad or I would have driven my crazy ass wherever I needed to go. But let's talk logistics, people. I work, I have a three year old and I don't have a random ten plus hours to drive to Tennessee. Yes I was bummed but reality had to win out.

The funny part is that some of the other things that have been a huge challenge to accomplish are nowhere near as involved as going skydiving! Case in point, I have been actively trying to attend my first knitting class for the past two weeks. The one place in the area that I found gives lessons on Wednesday evenings and Saturday afternoons. So for the past two weeks I have planned to go to class and for many different reasons (no babysitter, bad weather, class cancelled) I have not been able to attend. You would think it would be fairly simple for me to get to a two hour class that is no more than twenty minutes from my house, but the comedy of errors that ensues every time I try to go makes me think that the universe just does not want me at this class. But I really want to learn to knit!! I have been crocheting for the past ten years or so and I love it. I have become a master at making afghans, scarves and hats, but one of my bucket list goals is to knit a sweater. I'm not sure why, I just think it would be really neat to go around wearing a sweater that I made. I don't have a lot of creative ability so if could manage to make something that is actually suitable to be worn in public, I'd feel really good about myself.

Today, once again, I wasn't able to go to the knitting glass so I decided that I would teach myself. I know how to crochet, which I am aware uses a totally different needle, but the manual dexterity from crocheting should help (I hope, I hope!). After a quick trip to Wal-Mart to get some yarn and knitting needles (which I had no idea about so I had to guess at what size would be easiest), I am ready to become a master knitter. So I turn to the best resource I can think of to aid me in my quest: YOUTUBE! Along with the comical, disturbing, and completely ridiculous videos, there are some useful ones too. A quick search of "learn to knit" brought up several videos. The first one was 5 minutes of someone knitting to music with no sort of explanation whatsoever. Seriously, no words. Just bad 70's style porno music playing and the same scenes of someone’s hands knitting. Yeah, that's not even a little bit helpful. But with the second one I hit the jackpot. It was a video of a hip looking 20-something showing you the basics of knitting. I watched it about twelve times before I even picked up yarn and needle. She made it sounds so easy and I could follow the hands on the screen so I figured I would pick this up in no time. I start the video from the beginning pick up my needle, ready to follow her but it seems like she is talking a mile a minute! Seriously, she was NOT talking this fast the other dozen times I watched it. I was lost at trying to tie the slip knot!!!

After about five replays, I got the slip knot down and think I have done the casting on part right, which is how you start any project. Then I move to making my first row and it all goes to shit. I have NO idea what I am doing wrong but it so does not look like what I am seeing on the screen. I keep pulling out the jacked up stitches and starting over but it is just not right. I should have known it would not be as simple as this video made it seem! I tried to hang in there with this chick explaining it over and over again, but after about twenty more minutes of clearly not doing it right, I decided it was time to see what else YouTube could offer in the way of instruction.

Fast forward an hour and a half....I am STILL looking for a video that I can follow. Every time I start one, I get more and more confused. I thought the casting on part was easy and it turns out that there are like a million different ways to it. I know I am not stupid, but I swear, the more I watch the dumber I feel. I just can't get it right. And by the way, some of the people who think their videos are helping people learn are sorely mistaken! Half of them had the camera so far away that you couldn't see what they were doing and the other half flew through the instructions so that it was nearly impossible to follow.

At this point, my frustration is getting the best of me. It's getting late, I'm tired, and I want to jam these needles into my computer screen. Maybe I need a break. Maybe I need some wine. Yes, wine. That always makes me think more clearly. I am so thankful for that wine tasting class right now because I am stocked up on good wine which is desperately needed as this point.

After a few sips and a half hour channel surfing, I am ready to weed through the crazy that is YouTube and try to find a video that might help me. There has got to be one out there. Maybe I should just look for one that explains casting on. I find several horrible videos that confuse me even more, and then I stumble on one that I think makes sense. I watch it again and again; maybe it is the wine but this is making sense to me. I put down wine and grab my needle and yarn (someone should figure out a way to drink wine while knitting!) and follow the directions of the lovely woman on the screen. I wish I knew her name because she is my new bff; she is explaining it in a way I can understand, I can see her hands and follow what she is doing and mine actually looks right. It's 2:00 am and I finally got the cast on right! Jeez, are you serious with this? Thrilled that I got this first part down, I am anxious to start the first row, but this video only tells you how to cast on. Damn. Oh but wait, YouTube has a handy feature where they recommend some other videos based on what you just watched and I could do a happy dance when I see my new bff featured in a video about knitting the first row. YES! I may actually learn how to do this shit!

I watch this next video and follow her intently. With every stitch I am gaining confidence and getting more excited because it is finally making sense. She uses this stupid rhyme that says "in thru the front door once around the back peek thru the window and off jumps jack" to explain how the stitch works. I keep repeating it, feeling like an ass but it really is helping; I'm doing it! I finish the first row and then I’m not really sure what to do. I am hoping there is a video about how to continue, since she is clearly the best knitting teacher ever. I find one but this one is not nearly as helpful. Her fingers are flying now and the camera isn't close. Plus it starts with both needles in her hands so I have no idea how she got there. I am staring a finally finished row on one needle and have no clue what to do with it. I guess I will go back to the rhyme and hope for the best....In through the front door, once around the back, peek through the window and off jumps jack...in through the front door, once around the back....OH MY GOD, IT'S WORKING!!!

Finished with the second row, I am beaming. I want to call my mom and tell her since she is the one who taught me to crochet, but it's almost 2:30 and my inkling is that she won't be nearly as excited as I am at this hour. I got it, I finally got it. After several hours, a glass of wine and a sore back, I think I got it! Until I get to the end of the third row......

Uh oh. Something is messed up. I have no idea how or why but there is no final stitch for me to go through. Shit. What the hell did I do wrong????

It’s 2:27 and you know what? I don't give a DAMN what I did wrong!! I am cross-eyed sleepy and I can't even thinks straight. I’ll figure it out tomorrow, my new bff isn't going anywhere but right now I’m going to bed!