BREAK STUFF! - Day 17 of 35 days to 35

IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS, WHEN YOU DON'T WANNA WAKE UP, EVERYTHING IT F****D, EVERYBODY SUCKS! YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW YOU, BUT YOU WANNA JUSTIFY RIPPIN' SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF!

I might be a little violent. Not scary Charles Manson, lock up your children violent. More like daydreaming of punching stupid people in the face violent. I am one of the few girls I know who love boxing, the bloodier the better. Which is why I don't like heavyweight fights, they tend to just stand in the middle of the ring and hug. I love those quick little welterweights with the ripped bodies and fast hands. They bash each other's faces in and I love every minute of it. I love action movies almost as much as romantic comedies. Sometimes there is nothing better than watching a bunch of shit blow up to get you in a good mood. Maybe it isn't fair to say I am violent, because I have never really acted out any of the violence that I so love to watch. I have been in two fights in my life, neither of which was very eventful (there wasn't even any blood!) and have never participated in boxing or any other particularly aggressive sport. That's what my daydreams are for. Remember the show Ally McBeal? She would be going about her day and someone would say or do something stupid and it would flash to how she would like to react i.e. blowing them up or hitting them with a bat. That's the kind of stuff that runs through my head. Sometimes I just wish I could freak the hell out and see what happens. But I wouldn't, of course. That is so against the rules!!

So I have tried to find an outlet for this violent streak I seem to have. I thought about buying a punching bag or going running but neither of those seemed like they would scratch the itch. I need to SEE the fruits of my rage. I NEED TO BREAK STUFF!

The thought of throwing dishes and watching them break is very enticing. It seems like it would be so cathartic, so liberating to throw things with no regard as to whether you broke them, rather with the intention of destroying them. It is kind of like a grown up temper tantrum. I'm all over it. And given the week I have had, it would relieve a ton of stress to just let it fly. But what am I gonna break? I damn sure am not breaking my good dishes....those are William Sonoma!! There isn't anything in my house that I would want to see destroyed; if I didn't want it, I wouldn't have bought it! So if I am going to get the rush of shattering stuff, I am going to have to buy some. Something is so very wrong with purchasing dishes with the sole purpose of breaking them. It's rebellious (and well, a little stupid, but go with it)! I love it! Two days in a row of breaking the rules!! WOO HOO!

Sammi and I head to Wal-Mart to find the perfect dishes for breaking. This is a very serious mission and it is imperative to make the right choice. I am rebellious not insane, so I have to find the cheapest, most fragile dishes so they are easy to break and so that I am not thinking about the money I wasted as I throw them. That would totally take away from the high. I figured Wal-Mart was the perfect place to find some cheap, weak plates. But I guess the Waltons have decided to upgrade because all of the dishes I am seeing are way more than I want to pay for something whose lifespan is about another 45 minutes. I realize that I could just buy one or two plates; after all, they do have shelves of "quality" plates for $1 each. But something in me says that one or two is NOT going to be enough. I have a feeling that once I let that first dish fly it's gonna be on like Donkey Kong. So I settle for the 12 piece set.


I decide that if I am going to do this, I will have to wait until it gets dark. My original thought was to do it in my garage but I didn't want to end up replacing a tire in my car because of some glass shard that I missed during cleanup being stuck in my tire. I have a perfect concrete walkout in my backyard that is just begging for me to slam some dishes down on it. I start to get excited as I take them out of the box...damn, they are actually kind of nice, I could see myself using these for a dinner party or something. And they are a little heavy too, which means I'll have to put some muscle behind the slams...YES! I get my coat and boots on, turn on the back patio light (so I can get a clear view of the destruction) and open the back door. It's raining. Hard. Are you kidding me? I'll be damned if a little rain is going to stop this train, so I get a hat (gotta protect the hair) and head back outside. Just as I raise the first plate, I catch a glimpse of something moving and turn to see a neighbor coming outside to have a smoke. Shit. I can't do it now, she's gonna think I am crazy! I want the freedom and exhilaration of doing something so out of the ordinary but I'm not quite sure I want an audience. I shouldn't care. I'm not doing anything illegal. I'm breaking my dishes on my property, so why do I care if anyone is watching. I guess I'm just a baby rebel go back inside to regroup and wait out her cigarette break. Then I remember that I wanted to include a hammer in my little tirade. Triumphant, I grab the hammer and a few of the dishes and head to the side of the house. I put them on the ground, still unable to believe I am really going to break stuff on purpose. The first swing of the hammer comes crashing down on one of the plates and the shriek of breaking glass pierces the darkness. I LOVE IT! I smash and smash and smash that plate until I can't see any more big pieces. Damn that felt good! The annihilation of the next few plates goes by in a blur. Then I really get fancy and toss one and swing the hammer, smashing it in midair. Tiny pieces fly everywhere, including on me....maybe that was a little much. I'm breathing hard when I look around a see that I am out of targets. I head back in and grab the rest of the plates to take out to the patio, hoping the neighbor has had her nicotine fix for the night. I look around and see nothing but glint of rain on the grass so it is safe to let the smashing resume. I raise the first plate as high as I can and throw it down so hard I think I dislocate my shoulder. Glass flies everywhere and it is at this point that I realize it would have been smart to get colored plates and not clear ones! The translucent pieces fade into the night and I lose them in the shiny wet grass. Two words now flash in my head: clean up. I hadn't thought past the thrill of the deed, but something will have to be done with the mess I created. But I don't care. As good as I'm feeling right now, I don't feel the rain, I don't feel the cold and I don't care that I'll spend the next 45 minutes trying to figure out what is glass and what isn't while trying not to cut my hands. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm not supposed to be doing this, or the aggressive nature of it, but the smashing of those plates did more than months of therapy and antidepressants could possibly do. With every breaking plate, the negativity of the week was washed away in the evening rain and I felt better than I had felt in days. This is my kind of therapy....all you need is a $12 box of dishes and a good hammer!

As good as it felt, I know I probably won't ever do this again. The practical good girl in me can't justify buying things just to destroy them. But everyone should do this, just once. Even if it's just one plate...let it rip. I swear you won't regret it.