Let me just say that I HATE sucking at things. I mean, I really, REALLY hate it. Frankly, I try not to do things that I think I might suck at just to avoid that "you suck" feeling. And it's even worse when I do something, not expecting to suck and I am off the charts sucky. Typically, when it comes to all things athletic, there is no suckiness to speak of. I have been blessed with great genetics and good body control, so physical things come easily to me. I have embraced this as one of my strong suits, one of my better qualities; so when this does not prove to be true, it shakes me to my core. And pisses me off to no end. So yeah, I am a sore loser.
And this is especially true for things that I have never tried but always *known* I would be good at. Take tennis for instance. If you know how to play, please hold your laughter now, but I have always thought that tennis would be pretty easy. I am quack and have long legs and arms, so I should be able to cover the court pretty well. And the racquet is pretty big, so I SHOULD be able to hit the ball pretty easily. I have tried to play tennis before and was definitely able to hit the ball, even if I did hit it off the court...meaning over the fence and totally out of the court area. So I do kind of suck, but was always confident that with just a few pointers, I would make people believe I was Serena Williams. So really I just need some lessons from someone who knows what the hell they are doing. Enter Camargo Racquet Club.
I relied on my good friend Google to point me in the direction of good tennis lessons. As I am ruling out place after place it occurs to me that it might be difficult to learn a SUMMER sport in the middle of winter. But someone has got to have indoor courts in this town, so I keep looking. I finally stumble on the perfect solution: a five week clinic called tennis in no time that is being offered by Camargo racquet club. They promise that in five hour and a half sessions you will be able to not embarrass yourself while playing tennis. And they give you a free racquet. Perfect, I’m in!! The only problem I can foresee is that it is on Friday nights from 630 to 8. Not that I have an overflowing social calendar but damn, I have to commit five Fridays to this?! And the first lesson is the Friday of my birthday weekend. Charlene will be in town and I am sure that the last thing I will want to do is go to a tennis lesson when we could be out having a great sushi dinner or something. But I remind myself, I am committed to the process, and if this is the day I have to start tennis lessons then so be it.
Friday is ushered in by a Cincinnati style snowstorm: only a few inches but the city shuts down as if there were a few feet! As the day goes on and the roads are getting worse and worse, I am not sure if we are even going to have the tennis lesson. Being from Alaska, I have no problem getting there, but half the city is shut down at this point so I am not sure if I will be left scrambling for my "thing" for today. I call the racquet club at about 5 and the woman who answered said that the class was still on, so I guess we are good to go. I am trying to decide what to wear and am bummed that I don't have one of those cute little tennis outfits. I had intended to buy one for the lesson but kind of forgot about it. To be honest, the cute outfits are part of the reason I want to learn to play. Shallow? Maybe...but you have to admit they are pretty damn cute. And you can't really run around wearing one if you don't really play or you'll look like a freak. Lessons will give me a legitimate reason to shop for new tennis clothes (as if I need a reason to shop!)
I decide on sweats and a t-shirt, then get bundled up to head to class. The roads are slushy and the snow is coming down and I am just hoping that I am not the only one who decided to come to class tonight. When I arrive in the parking lot I get more nervous because there are very few cars there. I really am gonna be the only one in class. Shit! I walk in to the front desk to get checked in and am relieved to see some other people milling around with new-looking racquets. I am assuming (hoping...praying!) they are here for the class and when the woman behind the desk hands me a racquet that is identical to theirs i am so relieved. I decide that I need to feel these people out and find out if they were all truly beginners (ready sucky!) like me or if I was in for an embarrassing hour and a half. The other three women there are very friendly and assure me that they have not had any tennis experience either (yeah, we'll see!).
Finally it is time to get started and we are lead down to one of the far courts. We have two instructors, one older man and one younger (cute!) guy. They split us up into two groups and I am with the older man working on a two handed backhand. I am kind of surprised that we just jumped right in but have no choice but to go with it. I am really starting to get nervous at this point because he hasn't really given us many pointers, he just starts tossing balls at us. I hit the first couple of balls and they go flying. Luckily, most of the other people in my group are doing the same thing. Some people are missing the ball completely and I feel great and a little smug that I am not THAT bad....until I start missing balls. God this sucks! I suck!! For every one ball I hit sort of well, I hit five very badly and miss two or three. The worst part is, the more balls we hit, the better everyone else seems to be doing. Everyone, that is, except me. I am convinced that some of these people have had tennis experience. LIARS!!!
Finally we are done with the backhand and more to the forehand. The cute guy is a better instructor than the other guy and he gives more direction as to what the hell we are doing, before jumping right in. We do a few practice swings and I get my confidence back, convinced that I am going to be really good at this shot. We start the drill with the actual balls and I am immediately disappointed. I am not just bad at this shot, it might be worse than my backhand. And now I am embarrassing myself in front of the cute instructor. Damn damn damn. the only good thing about tennis for me at this point, is that I am fast and cover the court really well (which I always knew I would! at least I was right about something!), but that doesn't make up for the other suckiness.
The forehand drill can't be over fast enough! Not only am I a terrible tennis player but I am totally out of shape! I am winded from chasing down balls and it seems like I am the only one who can't catch their breath. I didn't bring any water and I am dying of thirst, and one sneak peek at the clock tells me that this is not even half over yet! I don't think I can' take sucking for another 45 minutes, but I don't think I have a choice. I can't do what I want to do which is throw my racquet like John McEnroe and scream "tennis sucks!", so I guess I will have to continue the drills. I am hoping to get better, but as I get more tired, I think I get worse (if that is possible). I realize as class is ending that I have four weeks left of this madness, and I can only pray that the tennis gods will bestow on me some sort of skill before the next class.
But if not, at least I will suck looking VERY CUTE in my new tennis outfits!
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